just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
