I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
