im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
