Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
