Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
