She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
