i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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