YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
