mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Welp...herpes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have fence marks all over my body
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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