It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
