My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
