I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
