I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
