Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
