apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize