on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
