I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize