Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
