Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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