May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
