Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
