I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
