Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
organizing the empties. That sober.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
