im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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