so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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