You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
