I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
