you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
