it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
