Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sex in a hospital.. check
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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