So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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