She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
