Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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