So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
