you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize