there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found your dick twin last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
