"it" just moved
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
