You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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