Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
