watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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