I wish life had little blips of pornography
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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