I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
