wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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