HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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