You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
