Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
