listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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