is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am naked and annoyed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
