You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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