He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
