Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
