omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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