I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
