Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
