Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
