took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
