So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
