Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
