Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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