Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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