you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
