I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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